Prosperity Gospel

>> Friday, October 31, 2008

What does a guy have to do to get a little health and a little wealth for goodness sakes. Don't get me wrong, I am not patronizing the really sick or the really poor among us. I don't believe that I am worse off than some child starving in Africa (that is why we adopt them) I am just saying ... in the most simplistic form ... why can I not just get stuff for being a good little boy? Why not ... it is in The Book if you overlook a bunch of other passages and take everything out of context...

I go to church every Sunday. I have adopted 3 almost 4 children. I brush my teeth at least once a week. I wear deodorant. I mean come on already ... does this not qualify me for some kind of good will? Is there not a poster in heaven about how fabulous I am already? I am a gorgeous rockstar for heavens sake!!

I mean come on Tink, can you not sprinkle just a little bit of faith and trust and prosperity dust on my family right about now? The mortgage rots, my lady has got a sore throat, the kids are about to all have cavities ... I am running in the hampster wheel of death every day ....

What exactly does a guy have to do to get a little bit of health and wealth !?!?!?


Public Service Announcement

It is that time of year again. Please make sure you know what time it is.


McWilliam & The Ladies

>> Thursday, October 30, 2008

You know, I have gone off before about how boys are from another planet .... but it really is true. I am trying to understand my 5 year old.

The other day our good friends who have many children like us were over at our house. This family also happens to be top heavy with ladies just like our family. Anyways, we were sitting around talking about things and I made a complimentary comment to my friend about his oldest ... I don't even know exactly what I said, but it was something like .... "K" is so witty or something like that ... and without missing a beat McWillian chimes in "and she is the prettiest."

Stunned silence. Did my 5 year old really make a pass at a 16 year old. Did he understand that her father is much bigger than his dad? I don't know what it is with that kid, but he is always pulling that nonsense. He actually pretended to be stuck in a tree so my brother-in-law's girlfriend would rescue him ...

He is still young so this kind of behavior is considered cute, not yet obnoxious ... but I really am getting concerned for him because lately I have found him hitting on just about anything


When Red Ants Attack

>> Monday, October 27, 2008

I have been reading a lot of embarrassing stories on other blogs as of late. I have been trying to think about where I should start because I am convinced I have more embarrassing moments in my life than most other people.

Most of my embarrassing moments are school related. I once ended up naked in my English class (long story), a math teacher of mine actually erased a blackboard with my head, I was pulled out of another class by my ears by one of my less-than-thrilled-with-me teachers, and I faked a seizure in government class that was so well done, that my student teacher did not show back up at work for a week (it was april fools and her jokes were dumb is how I explained it to the principal).

I can explore many of these and other idiot moments of my youth, but the event I really wanted to delve into today happened in my not so distant past.

Around two and a half years ago, after recently moving to our current top secret location, my kindergartner (at the time) had a girl she just raved about that she had met and enjoyed playing with. A couple weeks later, Mrs. Rockstar and I bumped into a couple we enjoyed speaking with only to find that they happened to be the parents of said little girl. Coincidence? Or master plan? Not really sure, but what I do know is we decided to meet at a local park over the weekend to let their girls and our kids play.

We showed up as planned and were having a good afternoon getting to know our friends and watching our kids all have good wholesome fun together. Then it happened. Red ants attacked. Or maybe they were fire ants ... I am not really sure what the difference is, other than they are both aggressive breeds. Anyways I got bit once ... on the foot.

Now, I had been bitten by ants before... many times. Honestly ... I sat on a red ant pile when I was younger ... you know that phrase "It is like you have ants in your pants"? I can honestly say that phrase is crap unless your child comes screaming bloody murder across the park holding their junk while trying to strip buck naked swatting at their rear with their other hand. That is what "ants in the pants" is really like, but I digress.

So back to the story. Apparently this stupid 6 legged (or is it eight?) creature hit a vein or something and before you knew it I felt pretty weird ... I began itching all over my foot, so I went and put my feet in the river thinking "That was a rather severe ant bite."

Next thing you know I start itching around my neck ... then under my arms. My eyes started feeling squinty. I stumbled across the park like a grizzly bear roaring, screaming to anyone within shouting distance pleading for allergy medicine if they had any. Honestly I had never had an attack in my life ... all I could remember was the movie Hitch where Will Smith blows up like a puffer fish, and I felt like that is what was happening to me ... That was the last logical thought of the afternoon for me.

As luck would have it, some terrified mother threw 4 children chewable Benedryl at me. By this point every part of me that had a little moisture was itching FIERCELY. In fact, I had one part itching so fiercely that as I left the woman and her easily accessible drugs in the dust, chewing the Benedryl she gave me in fear, I knew where I had to go next.

I started swearing ... I mean stumbling towards the bathroom at the park. Why? Because that spot that itched so bad was not one I wanted to itch in public. I flung the door open to the park bathroom and began itching my downstairs area ferociously, convinced that I was going to die in a park bathroom with my body falling limp in a urinal or something ... at that point my eyes started swelling shut and I looked in the mirror and I was so red, I do not have a good picture to show you that comes even close to how red I was except for this one:

Not wanting to die in a urinal I made one last gasp and struggled out of the bathroom and over to a small park "office". Still itching, but now in pubic .. I mean public, and looking like a lobster I burst in asking someone, anyone to save me. Somewhere in my own induced melee I lost my glasses ... never to be recovered and was now more frantic then ever!

From that point until the men in suits came to pick me up I am not sure what all happened.

As they were loading me into the ambulance with my 7 (at the time) children crying all around me, I noticed that our new friends were also standing beside the ambulance. As the technicians were loading me in looking like a lobster swollen from head to foot and slurring words, I blurted out something like "This has been really lovely, we should do this again sometime."

That ladies and gentlemen was my introduction to anaphylactic shock ... which if you are unfamiliar is as scary as it sounds. I now carry a needle that I can jab into my leg on a moment's notice for my own protection and Mrs. Rockstar can tell you what I was like after they shot me full of steroids to help me breathe.

The moral of the story is this ... if you have kids that like to do things like lick jelly fish or a husband full of drama like myself .... ALWAYS carry liquid benedryl with you. The technicians who loaded me into the ambulance said the chewables I took were probably the only reason my airway did not fully restrict.

Oh yeah and if you can help it, itch your junk only in the privacy of your own home ..


Actually ......

>> Sunday, October 26, 2008

Since you have to be a genius apparently to understand my blog ... this is the one I should have rolled with


Just Because

>> Saturday, October 25, 2008

I had one more bullet left in the gun ... thought I would pull the trigger


And You All Thought I was Stupid

>> Friday, October 24, 2008

So I stole this idea from one of my groupies. On his blog there is a readability factor that correlates the level of knowledge one must possess in order to understand the bliggidy blog that one is reading to an actual ranking.

I ran this on my blog and it returned an outcome that you all must stop and think about. Go ahead ... think about it because you obviously are all very smart to relate to me in any manner whatsoever ....

blog readability test

Movie Reviews


Halloween - Good or Evil?

>> Thursday, October 23, 2008

So Mrs. Zombie had a post up the other day about the goodness or evilness of Halloween. A cowardly anonymous user had assaulted her as a pastor's wife and her ability to celebrate such a pagan day. With all the evil associated with the day, how could she justify dressing up her tribe and begging for candy.

Before I get a lot of anonymous hate mail, I just want to make clear that I am halloween neutral. I neither love it nor hate it. As a big time rockstar, it is a gold mine for me as I always play Dick Clark's rockin' halloween party every year. However when it comes to the holiday I am on the fence. Or should I say I WAS on the fence. Now after some important research on my part, not only am I not against Halloween, but I am now 100% for it.

Lets look at the facts, shall we? I will break this down with some help of wikipedia. For those of you who have already read my comment under Mrs. Zombie's post, sorry for the repetition, but the world has to understand that Halloween should be celebrated and here is why ...

"Hallow" is a word usually used as a verb, meaning "to make holy or sacred, to sanctify or consecrate, to venerate".

"Ween" is an alternative rock group formed in 1984. It is also another word for someone acting like a baby. How many times have you said to your spawn, "Please stop acting like a ween."

So what is Halloween really? It is a day where an alt rocker like myself (Ween definition #1) can celebrate a holy (Hallow definition #1) baby (ween definition #2).

So if Halloween is a day where Rockstars worship a holy baby, then the question has to be asked, "Who is the holiest baby of all times?" That is right ladies and gentlemen ... Baby Jesus

I rest my case. I have no choice. I must celebrate Halloween. Besides if I was unable to celebrate Halloween, then I would never be able to pull this picture out of the archives... I love this picture ... one of my all time favorites:



>> Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I figured something out today. I drank a peach snapple (the best kind ever although raspberry is also mighty good) and fact #171 under the cap read something like "The most sensitive parts of the body are the mouth and fingerprints".

It dawned on me that is why customer service work is the worst job ever.... not only are you talking on the phone (mouth) half the day with usually irritated people, but the other half of the day you spend furiously typing (fingers) emails in response to those same furious people.

Thank you Snapple because without fact #171 I would not recognize office work to be as dangerous as it apparently is. I think we could all use a little sensitivity training. So tomorrow when that angry son of a gun is calling you ... say nothing and walk away from the keyboard.

Go ahead ... The Rockstar says it's OK!


Scary Hair

>> Monday, October 20, 2008

Since we have moved to our super top secret southern location, every year I go through the same depression of missing snow, missing a white Christmas, missing a good fire on a cold night ...

One of the oddest things is watching Christmas movies. Nothing like watching Frosty the Snowman while staring blankly out my window at the palms swaying in the breeze. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? What a claymation classic. I loved that show when I was a kid. As a geek, I always felt some affinity to that elf who wanted to be a dentist. I could not place for the life of me why I had such a kindred connection to Hermey the Elf. Then ... I yearbooked myself and the connection became clear: we shared the same barber back in the 50s


My Family, The Mullet

>> Saturday, October 18, 2008

Someone in one of my last posts brought up that they would like to see me and my sons in a "mullet." For those of you following along at home who are cluelessly non-aware of what a mullet is, for lack of better terminoligy it is a shorty long ... a shlong if you will. Does that still not register? Maybe you have heard of "The Tennessee Waterfall" or "The Mud Flap" or for all you fans of Hannah Montanna out there .... the "Achy-Breaky-Big Mistakey". Speaking of Achy Breaky, maybe it would just help if I showed you my yearbook picture from 1992:

Now you are getting it ... I can tell (Rockstars are famous for their intuition). The interesting thing about my 1992 mullet is that it has really made me stop and think about the important things in my life. Like ice cream, ho-hos, groupies, a smokin' hot wife and the kiddies ..... and I started realizing something about my family. See, my older children are all girls. From almost 10 to 12, they help us with just about everything around the rockstar household. They roll their eyes at my jokes, do a little laundry, cook a little food, and from time to time lord over the younger children in my house. Three of my youngest happen to be boys. They are loud, obnoxious, mentally unfit to make their own decisions, and that is when it hit me. My family is a mullet!! All business in the front and party in the back baby!!!


That's ... Debatable

>> Friday, October 17, 2008

I am not sure if you all saw the debate Wednesday night, but throughout, I kept noticing how hungry John McCain was looking. I think I even heard an audible of his stomach growling.

Because of my keen sense of perception, it then came as no shock to me to hear the next morning that McCain actually stood up after the debate and immediately ripped Obama's suit coat off and ate it.

You might be saying to yourself "No Way" or "Shut up Rockstar you are delusional" ... oh am I? I give you Exhibit A:

And let's step back and be honest with ourselves ... if you can not vote for a man who rips off his opponent's suit jacket and devours it, there is really no one that you can vote for!


Playing with matches for fun

>> Monday, October 13, 2008

Someone wise once said to me "Rockstar (that is how everyone addresses me) without technology I guess you would be playing with matches for fun." Well thank God for technology, because without it I would be burnt at least to my elbows. Why? Because everyone knows gas goes good with matches (Ice Cube rapped about it ... but I digress) ...

So let's all be thankful for technology .... oh yeah and most important, the ability to yearbook oneself. Props to the Undead and Mrs. Rockstar for turning me on to this unique concept. Now I will proudly present 1998:

And if 98 isn't doing it for you may I present the year of my birth. 1975. You are so jealous ... I know you all are.

There will be more in good time. But these are so fantastic ... it needs to stand alone for a couple days


MY Boy

>> Saturday, October 11, 2008

There are a lot of heated arguements in the Rockstar household from time to time. I have mentioned before in this space that being a rockstar tends to make me a little more narcissistic than most, so some of these arguements end up being about how fabulously good looking I am and how fabulously good looking my spawn is. Of course Mrs. Rockstar is a smokin' hottie as well, so it is very difficult to figure out whom our spawn most resembles. As of today ... this is no longer an arguement. Thanks to technological advances way beyond my fabulously good looking pea brain I give you the following proof:

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family search - Geneology


Technical Difficulties

>> Wednesday, October 8, 2008

You all knew I was big time .... but apparently my handler couldn't figure out the difference between a Rolling Stone cover shoot and this:

I have to say though, I am lookin' mighty fine. Actually click the picture and you will see the hero that lurks inside!


Mad Cow Disease

>> Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sometimes life imitates art, sometimes life is funnier than art. I give you this picture and caption from the ap:

This undated mug shot released by the Middletown, Ohio, police department shows Michelle Allen, 32. Allen was arrested Sept. 27, 2008 after she allegedly impeded traffic, urinated on a neighbor's porch and chased children while wearing a cow suit, according to a Middletown police report.
(AP Photo/Middletown Ohio Police department via Dayton Daily News)



>> Friday, October 3, 2008


It has been asked many times over the course of my career what my inspiration was. How do I create that unique sound that me and the mates are known for. You have to go back to the 80's to truly understand where we as a band actually formed our roots.

We cut our teeth as a band listening to this music, and I thought I would put it out there for all my groupies. Because it is important to understand where we come from. It will give you a better idea of conceptually where we are trying to go.

So, buckle up, kill my music at the bottom of the blogity blog, and get ready for some loud monster rock about to rain down on you!!!!!!


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