... And In Financial News

As some of you know when I am not kicking it live on stage ... which right now is never because I have lost my bloggity background ... I am pouring over lots of numbers. I am a glorious rockstar and a glorified bean counter.

So every once in awhile I get an uncomfortable email ... that really is benign in nature... but because other bean counters fail to see the humor I see in some things is absolutely hilarious when you actually think about it.

The email I received went a little something like this:

"You are correct. Jesus does still owe $47.62. I will deduct this from his next payroll."

...

I mean come on!!! Didn't this guy already pay it all? Our sins are forgiven but we are still going to squabble about 47 dollars and 62 cents? How very American of us!

Are you thinking what I am thinking? 'Cause I am thinking that there are going to be some money tables turned over around here!

Coat Store Riot

I am copying this right off the news site I found it. I love this story. Material greed is not my thing ... and somehow I find this story to be vastly amusing. God forgive me for taking pleasure in others' material pain. Now give me my $500 smackers dangit!!

'Lottery winner' causes riot at Ohio coat store

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Police say an Ohio woman being driven around in a limousine announced at a coat store she'd won the lottery and would pay for everyone's purchases but ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax. Columbus police Lt. Michael Deakins says the woman announced Tuesday she'd spend $500 on everyone at a Burlington Coat Factory, prompting customers to gather at registers and call relatives.
When police arrived, 500 people filled the store and another 1,000 were outside.
Cashiers rang up sales before discovering the woman had no money. Angry customers grabbed clothes without paying.
The limo driver turned the woman in.
Police say she was arrested on three outstanding warrants but wasn't charged for the coat store chaos pending a mental health evaluation.
A spokeswoman for the Burlington, N.J.-based coat store had no comment.

Chewing Cud

Our pastor at our church tends to say at least one crazy thing per service that makes me question at least his political correctness if not his sanity. Honestly, it is one of the reasons I love the guy. I also find his sermons challenging on a personal level and in my opinion if I am not leaving church thinking, pondering, praying over what I have just heard, then I am not in the right place.

Anywho, back to the story. So one week he was talking about things that were meaningless to God and mentioned all those women who “paint the barn” in the morning, referring to putting on one’s makeup. Another week it was referring to Twitter a couple times as Tweeter (our church has a large college contingent and they caught on quick to the slip), and the list goes on and on. In fact, Mrs. Rockstar and I eagerly anticipate what he is going to say next.

So here it goes …. Sunday, as we were praying as a congregation, our pastor was praying that (and I am paraphrasing here) we would want to get to know the Word better, that we would look forward to diving into scripture and then … he said it … “that we would chew the cud of scripture.”

I have admitted this before in this space … but I am absolutely a third grader when it comes to this kind of stuff. I am sure that he was trying to make some reference to us turning over scripture, pondering it, and I guess like a cow munching on it to help us digest it … I think. My eyes popped open and my neck sprang back and I looked around at the rest of the congregation. Most of them still had their eyes shut …. Except for a couple guys in the student section … and me.

Hilarious. I wanted to laugh out loud. It was funny to me. The visual of a cow chewing on a Bible to help “digest” its contents was just more than I could stand.

I was able to recover and focus for the rest of the service, but for the past couple days … I cannot get my mind off chewing the cud of scripture. Then something happened today … as I was driving past the dairy farm this morning that I pass when I go a certain way to work … I saw it. I saw what my pastor was referencing. This wasn’t some joke, this was not a laughing matter. Not now brown cow. Behold … for I bring you a beast who has most definitely been chewing the cud of scripture…

Job Security

Times are tough ... everyone is cutting back. I am in the financial industry ... helping others save for retirement, while blowing every last one of my own chips on chasing children across this great country and beyond with reckless abandon. Sometimes I wish I had more job security than I do ... and then I see something that reminds me that sadly, I am just not qualified for some of those more secure jobs out there.... you know the recession proof jobs like balancing candles on your head while covering your ears with your feet...

Classy

So ... I happened upon this picture today. My first thought was ... man pinch it back because that toilet ain't right. I mean if Thomas A. Crapper meant for us to work like circus clowns to let one loose .... then dangit he would have invented this already.

After much befuddlement I looked to see what this crazy contraption was and turns out it is some kind of wacky personal driving thing developed by those crazy circus clowns at Honda Motor Company.

Then it happened ... I couldn't stop my brain from going there ... I thought "Hey ... looks like this guy has a motor in the back of his Honda .... " and from that point on Sir-Mix-A-Lot has been rolling through my head like thunder.

So cheers to you Mr Lot, you classy son of a gun, thanks for the memories and that one hit wonder I still can't shake.

Yeah ... and just in case you were wondering ... my baby's got back.

What the?

You ever had one of those days where you blink and the last time you wrote something on your blogbastic uber fantastic site was over 3 months ago and your whole background of coolness has disappeared?

Yeah ... me neither ... I think it is time to rock it once again. Now ... has anyone seen where I placed my boyish good looks ... I seem to have misplaced that too. Dang.

They DALED it

He "Daled" it.







They "Daled" it.




"Daled" - Term my children use to refer to the skilled art of cleaning your chicken bones bare, taught to them by our beloved friend Dale.





"Look Dad! I Daled it!!!"

Here Comes The ... uh well anyway

So I saw on some news site that people were having themed weddings. Here are two I would have paid to attend. In fact I have three children in my house that would have felt like they had died and gone to heaven if they were at the first one. Yes, I have Star Wars fanatics in my house. No, I have no idea how that happened.

Swine Flu Solution

The man above is Dr Alan Hay, director of the World Influenza Centre. The caption to this photo said he was speaking on the illness formerly known as swine flu (because apparently we are not to call it that anymore as it is offensive to pigs). Now I am not sure what EXACTLY he had to say, but I think it was something along the lines of ... "Whatever you do, do not trim your eyebrows. This will invite the illness (formerly known as swine flu) into your person. It is like inviting a vampire into your house!!"

Man and I thought I was weird. Dr Hay, you are a man of integrity, a man of his word. You keep on Rockin' those eyebrows like no one's bidness. Swine flu ... you have no chance!! Pandemic, Shmamdemic.

Please vote on the new poll to the right of this post, because although Dr Hay may be doing the practical thing to ward off the flu formerly known as swine flu, is it the sexy thing to be doing?

Funny .... But Wrong

So my homepage on my internet is set to yahoo. As a result, yahoo news is where I go to check out the "hot" gossip on cool things like "Swine Flu" and chicken little/sky falling news stories of the day. On the right hand side of the most popular news stories are most popular pictures. This one ... I admit .... caught my eye, and knowing that we have different hand gestures than the rest of the world made me chuckle ... out loud ... at work. This is wrong, but I feel it is my duty to share.

Children - unless you live in India and rock the vote, this is wrong and you will be dealt with swiftly if you use this gesture in public.




Indian Bollywood film actors Aishwariya Rai Bachchan(L), Amitabh Bachchan (C) and Abhishek Bachchan display their ink-marked fingers after casting their vote at a polling booth in Mumbai for the country's elections.
(AFP/Str)

Treat for my peeps

Mr. Posey, I thank you, the Garbage Barge thanks you, Ribone Jankins thanks you

Dis or Dat

Some of you might recognize the dude on the left. It is the legendary country musician Garth Brooks. The man had a bunch of hits in the 90's kind of like Michael Jackson in the 80's only he has always been the same skin tone .... anywhoo ... you may not recognize the guy on the right. That is Chris Gaines. Chris Gaines is famous for well.... for Garth Brooks going off the deep end and trying to reinvent himself as something he is not. Cool. Hip. Good Looking.

Now I am actually all of those things, so it made me wonder ... unlike Barf Brooks, could I actually pull off a new look? Could I actually change my whole vibe? ... trade in tatoos and leather pants for something else ...

I know you are all dying to see who I really am ... you know on the inside ... where it really counts.

Who is Brian?

Is he really a Rockstar or is he someone else?

Camp

I don't know if any of you have a time in your past that you look upon with great fondness. Such a fondness that when you die and are lit on fire and become ashes, a place in your past, in time, where you wish you could ship those ashes because you know they would be happy there. I grew up on a camp. My father ran a christian camp from age 2 (my age not his) to 16 and then I continued to work there until I tricked my wife into thinking I was cool.

If I could send my burned up body's remains anywhere in time, I think I would like to send them back to camp, circa anytime between the late 80's and 1993. I think this pic comes from 91 or 92 ...


Yep, that's the rockstar standing on top of something, sticking his butt in the face of the other dude who is giving anyone who looks at this picture the 'ole stinkeye.

There is the kid who I wrestled with and accidentally broke a bone in his foot and then we lied about it (for no real reason) to our elders to not get us in trouble.

The one with the motorcycle from England who thought it would be fun to bungie jump so he tried it for the first time cheap in some contest and ended up on espn representing his country in some extreme sports show (can't make that up)

There is the other kid I ran over with a tractor, and if not for my quick reaction after an awful decision, was one turn of a massive tire from having his head squished like a grape

The guy with the blue hair named "Goo" ('nuff said)

The kid who's sister I scrubbed pots with for what seemed like an eternity in hell everytime a big retreat group rolled into town.

The boy with the red, white, and blue braces who was sailing a boat next to my sailboat that one time I lost my mind and jumped on his mast from my boat mid sail and "turtled" his boat (with the help of a counselor accomplice) ...

My racist guatemalan friend with whom I would always fake fierce racist arguements with until those pesky elders caught us at it, thought we were really both racist, and had to "talk" to us about loving all kinds of people while we literally cried tears of laughter on the inside. I almost drowned from the inside out that day.

Yep. Light me on fire, grind down my bones and ship me back to 92. Then build a fire up by that cross (you know who you are who know what I am saying) throw me on top and watch me burn again.

Now that's living.