The one about the TV

>> Tuesday, October 26, 2010


The one about the Vasectomy


Stinky Cheese




Sometimes you need to say I love you.




Hibachi Icecream Man


My Baby is a Gangsta

>> Friday, February 19, 2010

Ok technically she is not completely gangsta as she also has a soft spot for polka, but if you want to see a short clip on why I am afraid to go out in public with my three year old ... please visit my alter ego site.

Rock on with your bad selves.


It's Official

>> Thursday, February 18, 2010

I better write something of consequence soon, or I might as well give up on my dreams of becoming a literary giant .... What you say? Too late?

You are probably right ... looks like I just gave up on another dream. All things considered, even though I have been away for quite some time ... it could always be worse ... I could be this guy .... caught breaking and entering with a "homemade" mask.


... And In Financial News

>> Thursday, October 22, 2009

As some of you know when I am not kicking it live on stage ... which right now is never because I have lost my bloggity background ... I am pouring over lots of numbers. I am a glorious rockstar and a glorified bean counter.

So every once in awhile I get an uncomfortable email ... that really is benign in nature... but because other bean counters fail to see the humor I see in some things is absolutely hilarious when you actually think about it.

The email I received went a little something like this:

"You are correct. Jesus does still owe $47.62. I will deduct this from his next payroll."


I mean come on!!! Didn't this guy already pay it all? Our sins are forgiven but we are still going to squabble about 47 dollars and 62 cents? How very American of us!
Are you thinking what I am thinking? 'Cause I am thinking that there are going to be some money tables turned over around here!


Coat Store Riot

>> Friday, October 16, 2009

I am copying this right off the news site I found it. I love this story. Material greed is not my thing ... and somehow I find this story to be vastly amusing. God forgive me for taking pleasure in others' material pain. Now give me my $500 smackers dangit!!

'Lottery winner' causes riot at Ohio coat store

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Police say an Ohio woman being driven around in a limousine announced at a coat store she'd won the lottery and would pay for everyone's purchases but ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax. Columbus police Lt. Michael Deakins says the woman announced Tuesday she'd spend $500 on everyone at a Burlington Coat Factory, prompting customers to gather at registers and call relatives.
When police arrived, 500 people filled the store and another 1,000 were outside.
Cashiers rang up sales before discovering the woman had no money. Angry customers grabbed clothes without paying.
The limo driver turned the woman in.
Police say she was arrested on three outstanding warrants but wasn't charged for the coat store chaos pending a mental health evaluation.
A spokeswoman for the Burlington, N.J.-based coat store had no comment.


Chewing Cud

>> Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Our pastor at our church tends to say at least one crazy thing per service that makes me question at least his political correctness if not his sanity. Honestly, it is one of the reasons I love the guy. I also find his sermons challenging on a personal level and in my opinion if I am not leaving church thinking, pondering, praying over what I have just heard, then I am not in the right place.

Anywho, back to the story. So one week he was talking about things that were meaningless to God and mentioned all those women who “paint the barn” in the morning, referring to putting on one’s makeup. Another week it was referring to Twitter a couple times as Tweeter (our church has a large college contingent and they caught on quick to the slip), and the list goes on and on. In fact, Mrs. Rockstar and I eagerly anticipate what he is going to say next.

So here it goes …. Sunday, as we were praying as a congregation, our pastor was praying that (and I am paraphrasing here) we would want to get to know the Word better, that we would look forward to diving into scripture and then … he said it … “that we would chew the cud of scripture.”

I have admitted this before in this space … but I am absolutely a third grader when it comes to this kind of stuff. I am sure that he was trying to make some reference to us turning over scripture, pondering it, and I guess like a cow munching on it to help us digest it … I think. My eyes popped open and my neck sprang back and I looked around at the rest of the congregation. Most of them still had their eyes shut …. Except for a couple guys in the student section … and me.

Hilarious. I wanted to laugh out loud. It was funny to me. The visual of a cow chewing on a Bible to help “digest” its contents was just more than I could stand.

I was able to recover and focus for the rest of the service, but for the past couple days … I cannot get my mind off chewing the cud of scripture. Then something happened today … as I was driving past the dairy farm this morning that I pass when I go a certain way to work … I saw it. I saw what my pastor was referencing. This wasn’t some joke, this was not a laughing matter. Not now brown cow. Behold … for I bring you a beast who has most definitely been chewing the cud of scripture…


Job Security

>> Monday, October 5, 2009

Times are tough ... everyone is cutting back. I am in the financial industry ... helping others save for retirement, while blowing every last one of my own chips on chasing children across this great country and beyond with reckless abandon. Sometimes I wish I had more job security than I do ... and then I see something that reminds me that sadly, I am just not qualified for some of those more secure jobs out there.... you know the recession proof jobs like balancing candles on your head while covering your ears with your feet...



>> Friday, October 2, 2009

So ... I happened upon this picture today. My first thought was ... man pinch it back because that toilet ain't right. I mean if Thomas A. Crapper meant for us to work like circus clowns to let one loose .... then dangit he would have invented this already.

After much befuddlement I looked to see what this crazy contraption was and turns out it is some kind of wacky personal driving thing developed by those crazy circus clowns at Honda Motor Company.

Then it happened ... I couldn't stop my brain from going there ... I thought "Hey ... looks like this guy has a motor in the back of his Honda .... " and from that point on Sir-Mix-A-Lot has been rolling through my head like thunder.

So cheers to you Mr Lot, you classy son of a gun, thanks for the memories and that one hit wonder I still can't shake.

Yeah ... and just in case you were wondering ... my baby's got back.


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