Mark of the Beast

>> Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Please read this article and then see below for commentary. This is important people!!!!

U.S. salmonella outbreak count hits 666 people sickened

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – An outbreak of salmonella food poisoning traced to peanut products has sickened 666 people and is continuing despite one of the biggest food recalls in U.S. history, health officials said on Tuesday.

But the outbreak of salmonella is still only linked to nine deaths, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a statement.

"To date, 19 clusters of infections in five states have been reported in schools and other institutions, such as long-term care facilities and hospitals. King Nut brand peanut butter was present in all facilities," the CDC said in a statement.

Blah ... Blah ... Blah


OK there is more to this story ... but you know have been armed with knowledge. Do not be deceived. Please note that 666 people have become sick ... so what does this mean to you and me? Connect the dots people!!!

I don't want to be an alarmist, but do you think it is possible that the antichrist has come to us in the form of an adorable cartoon boy? Since childhood, we have all had peanut butter on our face or stuck in our whiskers at some point ... mark of the beast? Food for thought.


Holy Hairweave Batman!

>> Monday, February 23, 2009

Wish I could take credit for this, but I can't. This was forwarded to me by one of my groupies ... picture courtesy of someone whom I didn't get permission from:

Woman OK after bullet ends up in her hair weave

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) -- Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave. Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her.

She replied, "Well I dont love him," then heard gunshots. She said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled, then turned into another parking lot and called police.

She told officers she recently had ended an eight-month relationship with the suspect.

Police arrested the ex-boyfriend and his friend in a car.


I don't know what I can add to this ... the story speaks so clearly for itself. If there is a lesson kids .... I guess it is "Don't piss off Steve, he will put a bullet in your weave"


Crack Kills

>> Sunday, February 22, 2009

Overheard in their bedroom

Mikey (9 Top Bunk): McWilliam (5 Bottom Bunk) would you please open the door a crack?"

McWilliam: (Pause for effect) "You mean like butt crack?"

I love these guys!


My Sexy Woman

>> Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Today is one of those odd days in a Rockstar's life where I am actually putting away the burp and fart jokes and actually showing emotion about something, which I am not really good at because I always hide behind burp and fart jokes (vicious cycle).

Today marks 13 years since the most incredible woman I ever met made an even more incredible (considering who it was) decision to marry me. It has been a marriage full of adventure, with plenty of examples of both "for better" and "for worse."

Today I just wanted to say thank you honey for living the adventure with me, for believing in me even when you shouldn't, for backing me up when I have needed backing, for loving me even when I can be unloveable, for giving me all of these beautiful children, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. If given the opportunity to make different choices 13 years ago, I would not change a thing. I love you. YOU are my rockstar.

Now back to your regularly scheduled burp and fart jokes.


New Look Groupie

>> Monday, February 9, 2009

Well. This has been a very hard road for me to travel ... but as we have moved to a new southern top secret location dripping with grits and southern hospitality ... I have been thinking maybe it is time to change the look of my groupies ...

Now for those of you who do not know, The Rockstars have a tradition of taking groupie pictures when someone steps into our home for the first time. It is our way of saying welcome to our life .... below is a picture of the wall in the old place:

Right now I am trying to figure out if a new "edge" is needed to keep people interested. I had great inspiration. My company does a white elephant gift every year. So one of my co-workers gets this creepy doll with no face that is apparently a "sit in the corner" doll. Not really sure what it is, but it creeped the co-worker out enough that I was able to talk her into giving it to me (Thanks Audrey) ....

So I took the freaky doll with no real face home .... because I was dying to see what the twins would do. LuLu started crying, told me she was scared and that the doll was a "pee-ewww" which is her way of calling something the devil. J-man just pointed with big eyes and screamed like a little lady ....

So what is the fascination with this doll you ask .... none really ... with the doll .... more of a fascination with the doll's wig. I call it my Seth Rogen wig and I am modeling it below .... but before you jump down to my fabulously handsome pics ....

I am throwing up one more poll to the left .... help me decide if I should replace the nerd glasses with the Seth Rogen wig. No job you have could be more important people. Excercise your right to vote!!!

Now for the good stuff .... I give you the Seth Rogen wig ..... you tell me if you can spot the difference between the man and the rockstar

Notice the striking similarities. Now I am not saying everyone can pull the look off ... but I am thinking this wig is just dandy and I am going to HAVE to start snapping friends and family in this fancy do. Still not convinced ... I will give you a couple more to mull over:

This is a tough call .... nerd glasses or Seth Rogen ... choose wisely my friends ... you wouldn't want to make Seth angry


Camels and Christians

>> Saturday, February 7, 2009

Ya'll know what I love about southern churches? I love that they ALL have those message boards out front ... you know the ones that welcome in babies ... maybe give you a verse ... or lift your spirits with a little saying....

Now the mega churches have their message board in neon ... the really small churchs might be missing a letter or two ... it is always hard to look at Psalms without the silent P ....

But there is one place down the street from us that takes it to a whole new level. It's billboard?

"Both Camels and Christians Release Their Burdens On Their Knees"


Now please no explanations about what they are trying to say. I get what they are trying to say ... it is just one of those things I am trying to figure out who decided to say it that way ....

Did someone say "you know it will hit home if you use two nouns that begin with a 'C' ". Did someone say "Ya'll don't use the word pray .... that scares people ... let's use release their burdens instead" .... then the first guy said "Fantastic because my other C word is camels and they release burdens too ...."

It is all too much for me. Then I started thinking ... this church just compared me to this:


Pidgeon Toed

>> Friday, February 6, 2009

Man ... I don't know what is going on ... I may never have to write anything of substance ever again. Especially with pictures like this:

In case your eyesight is a little fuzzy, let me set the scene for you... this bloke was caught by Australian Customs officials with two live pigeons stuffed in his pants as he got off a flight from the Middle East.

If I am those agents, I am grilling this guy relentlessly .... no doubt this was some act of pidgeon terrorism. Seriously ... what makes a guy say to himself ... screw the $50 and the cage, I am bringing my birds strapped to my leg.

In other news .... Australian custom officials given the bird ... twice ... by man of middle eastern descent.

This news story has inspired another poll which you will find on the right hand side of this blog right above the other two official polls involving donuts and vasectomies ... can't make this stuff up


Monkey Butts

>> Thursday, February 5, 2009

So, I was thinking about what I could write about because time is not something I have as of late ... when all the sudden BAM ... I was looking at this rockin pic. I have that Sir-Mix-A-Lot song rattling around in my head ... you know the one I am talking about ... and I just can not seem to shake this image. So now ... I will proudly scar you all for life


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