Damaged Swimmers

So, Mrs. Rockstar wrote a post that began with me getting the "big v". To a testosterone charged Rockstar, that is just unthinkable. Frankly I am shriveling up with fear even as I speak about it. I have cotton mouth and honestly just wiped a little sweat from my brow.

However, this cruel post did get me thinking about a funny story I heard from a friend of the family. Of course names and situations have been altered to protect the victims among us, but I will now frame the story for you. A good friend of ours was getting checked for shortness of breath. This friend has had heart issues in the past, so the shortness of breath was fairly concerning. Concerning enough that this friend "Bob" ended up having to get a stress test.

For those of you who are unstressed, a stress test involves jumping up on a treadmill and running until you almost kill yourself in order to make sure that you are not killing yourself. Without further introduction, here is what happened after Bob's successful stress test in his words:


"So, on the way down the hospital elevator I was feeling pretty good about hearing [the nurse] say I had done better than they expected. While in the elevator, my cell phone in my pants pocket rang and I took it out to see who was calling. I passed on taking the call with others in the elevator, and I did not think it was permitted in the hospital, anyway. As I put the phone back in my pants pocket, the doctor standing next to me smiled and said: " I just read this morning that men who carry their cell phone in their front pants pocket are prone to have damaged semen." So there you have it. I was just trying to feel better about my cardiac numbers, and now I have damaged semen. Some days it is hard to get ahead."