Me & My Vasectomy
>> Sunday, December 7, 2008
Did You Hear The One About The Vasectomy? That man's family was sooo big that even complete strangers were asking him when he was going to get one .. ba dum bah
That guy needs to have a rubber band tied around those things ... I mean come on ... how many could he really want to have? Ba dum bah!
That guy needs to have a rubber band tied around those things ... I mean come on ... how many could he really want to have? Ba dum bah!
Hey ... Buddy! .... You DO know where those things come from right? Ba dum bah.
Seriously.... This post has been a long time coming. I have not thrown down a rant on this subject yet ... but it is one I need to address. Why? Because somewhere around 7,000 times in the last year and a half or so ... I have been asked when I am going to get my vasectomy. You know ... do my part not to overpopulate the world .... even though there are some European countries so desperate for children that they are giving "incentives". I mean really as a dude ... how many incentives to we really need (ba dum bah).... sorry, back to the story.
Here is the weird part about these questions on my unit.... Over half of my vasectomy inquiries have come from the female persuation ... usually over the age of 45 but younger than 55 .... apparently if you are over 55 it is considered rude to talk about a strange man's piping. However .... a little bit younger than that and apparently it is fair game! I mean I have had women approach me at work, in the food store, when I am with all the kids, once at church, it seems relentless.
My question for the blog faithful is ... what the he11 am I supposed to answer? "Thank you so much for the reminder, I almost missed my appointment!" or "God bless you and your seedless husband this holiday season." Why when you have a big family does everyone think they can crawl all up in your bidness?
Think about it! You gentlemen with 3 children or less, how many times have you been asked if you have tied it off? Now all you over active crazed fathers of 4 or more (you must be crazed to have all those children is another of my favorites) have you ever been asked the question? Bet you have ... some of you more than once. It is an epidemic!
For goodness sakes people ... keep your mouth shut and stop asking about the nut. Join me in rallying the world over to this terrible travesty that I am now stuck in the crosshairs talking about. Pray for my safety as there are those out there who would love to tie one off. These crazies must be stopped. Join me. Email againstvasectomies@yahoo.com. Get Noticed. Spread the word ... and your seed if you still have any!
19 Groupies:
I am laughing so hard.
"God bless your seedless husband this holiday season"
- BEST LINE EVER.
u know, if that's all ppl have to talk about, they must lead pretty boring lives... not saying ur "unit" is boring... but my my... I rarely find myself in need of asking random men about their unit's functionality.... wow - lack of class if you ask me ;)
Yes ... indeed a little classless, however if it were not asked of me repetitively, I probably would have not had so much fun blogging about it happening to me over and over. So I guess I will just have to view all of life's intricacies as a chance to write about something.
Well, ironically, Michael and I cannot have more children biologically and since we just found out T's birth mom is 6-8 months pregnant, we've told our friends the good news...we might have another baby in a month or two...and they are like, "YOU'RE KIDDING!" And then we go into the forced-birth-control-for-drug-addicts conversation, and THEN they ask me, invariably, "So if T and K's birth moms keep having babies, are you going to keep taking them? I mean, can you afford that? How many children are you going to take?"
Is it weird that I somehow find joy in knowing another life is about to enter the world? That we may be blessed with another pooper? Maybe we are crazy! Maybe we really are!
Sometimes it is really funny. Sometimes annoying. And sometimes, well, it just hurts. =0(
Well put Heather ... and to all you Facebookers ... that email address really is the key that unlocks the Rockstar household's FB account, 'cause once you find the village idiot, you can easily get to his beautiful, smarterer better half.
I had a conversation along those lines just late last week with a like minded friend of mine. I am now threatening to put some bumper stickers on the back of the inevitable 15-passenger van (inevitable, because my wife is pregnant with our fifth. We got a late start, what can I say.)
The three proposals are:
1. Proud to be a breeder.
2. Ensuring the survival of the human race one baby at a time.
3. Every baby is God's way of saying life is precious. Birth control is humanities way of saying it's not.
I might have a fourth now:
4. God bless your seedless husband.
Well said sir.
Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear.
It is too late foe me. Save yourself!
So is it flattering or scary that people are so concerned with your junk?
It feels a little inappropriate for me to comment on this post.
word up, yo!
maybe if you stopped listening to Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" you might get your ying and yang under control.
sheesh...you overpopulator, you!
ROFL!! I´m still here in GUA and way behind on blog reading but I am so glad I found the time this morning!!
My friend recently had his teabag snipped and he felt compelled to send me all kinds of info on vasectomies from Web MD and other websites. (You know, because of all the babies I've made...)
Instead of reading through all his medical websites, I simply went to the most trustworthy and educational source - Family Guy. After this video, all of my questions about vasectomies were answered. Enjoy!
http://www.jibjab.com/view/155714
Scoot ... I was going to include that video in the post and then considered it a tad inappropriate ... thank you for being of low enough standards to recommend it to my warped audience ... Bad Scooter. Bad.
By the way teen wolf photo rocks!
This is great. People ask my husband if he's still in high school while he's taking them into surgery all the time (which kind of irks me because no one ever asks me that.) Anyways, I told him he should have a button made that just has his age, and then he can point to it when people ask him how old he is. Maybe you should have a T-shirt made that says, "Yes, I know how it happens," or something to that effect.
People are just Jealous my man! They wish they were prime candidates to repopulate the earth when everyone else is blown to smithereens, or god-i-zilla attacks or maybe the aliens from "Signs" will actually be able to harvest the humans as they originally had hoped to... you know, then you crawl out of your secret Rockstar survival bunker, and make a race of sophisticated and distinguished people ;)
Ok, I got carried away!
-g-to-the-dub-
I wonder if anyone asks my husband this. :) We have five now so it should be starting........
Thanks for the laugh!
great post! i'm laughing out loud and rolling all over the floor. well, maybe not that dramatic but this is great. not only do people always ask me my age at work, as my wife so relentlessly pointed out, but people have asked me the same questions because i have 3 kids. not as often as you i'm sure but it's crazy none the less.
I finally jumped over from Wife's blog to yours today. Too hilarious. At least you aren't getting bags of frozen peas sent to you in the mail-anonymously!
MamaPo,
Welcome to the neighborhood .... bag of peas .... you are going to fit right in :-)
Mrs. Rockstar and I have "complimentary" styles.
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