You ever had one of those days where you blink and the last time you wrote something on your blogbastic uber fantastic site was over 3 months ago and your whole background of coolness has disappeared?
Yeah ... me neither ... I think it is time to rock it once again. Now ... has anyone seen where I placed my boyish good looks ... I seem to have misplaced that too. Dang.
He "Daled" it.
They "Daled" it.
"Daled" - Term my children use to refer to the skilled art of cleaning your chicken bones bare, taught to them by our beloved friend Dale.
"Look Dad! I Daled it!!!"
So I saw on some news site that people were having themed weddings. Here are two I would have paid to attend. In fact I have three children in my house that would have felt like they had died and gone to heaven if they were at the first one. Yes, I have Star Wars fanatics in my house. No, I have no idea how that happened.
So my homepage on my internet is set to yahoo. As a result, yahoo news is where I go to check out the "hot" gossip on cool things like "Swine Flu" and chicken little/sky falling news stories of the day. On the right hand side of the most popular news stories are most popular pictures. This one ... I admit .... caught my eye, and knowing that we have different hand gestures than the rest of the world made me chuckle ... out loud ... at work. This is wrong, but I feel it is my duty to share.
Children - unless you live in India and rock the vote, this is wrong and you will be dealt with swiftly if you use this gesture in public.
Indian Bollywood film actors Aishwariya Rai Bachchan(L), Amitabh Bachchan (C) and Abhishek Bachchan display their ink-marked fingers after casting their vote at a polling booth in Mumbai for the country's elections.
(AFP/Str)
Mr. Posey, I thank you, the Garbage Barge thanks you, Ribone Jankins thanks you
Some of you might recognize the dude on the left. It is the legendary country musician Garth Brooks. The man had a bunch of hits in the 90's kind of like Michael Jackson in the 80's only he has always been the same skin tone .... anywhoo ... you may not recognize the guy on the right. That is Chris Gaines. Chris Gaines is famous for well.... for Garth Brooks going off the deep end and trying to reinvent himself as something he is not. Cool. Hip. Good Looking.
Now I am actually all of those things, so it made me wonder ... unlike Barf Brooks, could I actually pull off a new look? Could I actually change my whole vibe? ... trade in tatoos and leather pants for something else ...
I know you are all dying to see who I really am ... you know on the inside ... where it really counts.
Who is Brian?
Is he really a Rockstar or is he someone else?
I don't know if any of you have a time in your past that you look upon with great fondness. Such a fondness that when you die and are lit on fire and become ashes, a place in your past, in time, where you wish you could ship those ashes because you know they would be happy there. I grew up on a camp. My father ran a christian camp from age 2 (my age not his) to 16 and then I continued to work there until I tricked my wife into thinking I was cool.
If I could send my burned up body's remains anywhere in time, I think I would like to send them back to camp, circa anytime between the late 80's and 1993. I think this pic comes from 91 or 92 ...
Yep, that's the rockstar standing on top of something, sticking his butt in the face of the other dude who is giving anyone who looks at this picture the 'ole stinkeye.
There is the kid who I wrestled with and accidentally broke a bone in his foot and then we lied about it (for no real reason) to our elders to not get us in trouble.
The one with the motorcycle from England who thought it would be fun to bungie jump so he tried it for the first time cheap in some contest and ended up on espn representing his country in some extreme sports show (can't make that up)
There is the other kid I ran over with a tractor, and if not for my quick reaction after an awful decision, was one turn of a massive tire from having his head squished like a grape
The guy with the blue hair named "Goo" ('nuff said)
The kid who's sister I scrubbed pots with for what seemed like an eternity in hell everytime a big retreat group rolled into town.
The boy with the red, white, and blue braces who was sailing a boat next to my sailboat that one time I lost my mind and jumped on his mast from my boat mid sail and "turtled" his boat (with the help of a counselor accomplice) ...
My racist guatemalan friend with whom I would always fake fierce racist arguements with until those pesky elders caught us at it, thought we were really both racist, and had to "talk" to us about loving all kinds of people while we literally cried tears of laughter on the inside. I almost drowned from the inside out that day.
Yep. Light me on fire, grind down my bones and ship me back to 92. Then build a fire up by that cross (you know who you are who know what I am saying) throw me on top and watch me burn again.
Now that's living.
Rainbows and Unicorns is one of, if not my favorite saying. I use it when things happen .... like a kid poops in the car ..."Life is all rainbows and unicorns". In a hideous airbrush/screenprint sort of way the phrase gives me peace.
However, that is not my life these days, and no matter how many times I click my heels together and try to think happy thoughts .... everytime I close my eyes, my rainbows and unicorns turn into this in my head:
And for those of you who are kind enough to be encouragers in life .... no this guy did not make it. No rainbows and unicorn ending for him.
What do you do when you are scared? I am crying like a baby right now. My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, my mouth is dry. What is causing this madness?? Snow. Seriously. Snow.
Now I may seem like a fearless rockstar, but boy does the white stuff scare the jeepers* out of me. Apparently here in the south I am not alone. Other people also fear for their lives. The snow is almost up to the top of my front door ... you know if my door was accidentally installed upside down.
Thankfully my local news is here to rescue me! They are giving out free advice tonight on what to do. Thank God for them, because without them I might end up frostbit or getting my seat stuck to the ... uh .... seat of our community outhouse!
In fact their advice was so smart, I figured I would share it with you while it is still fresh in my mind -
Stay off the road unless you absolutely have to be out! (Four inches of snow are way too much for most cars to handle)
Make sure you have a full tank of gas (Why? They tell us not to go anywhere)
Wear Layers Outdoors (32 degrees is enough to kill you almost instantly if you are used to 70 degree weather on a fairly consistent basis)
Wear hats and gloves (not obvious to most of us ... great advice)
Cover bare skin (see two above comments)
Watch out for polar bears in trees (OK I made that one up)
and lastly wear lighter clothes indoors (I screwed this one up ... I thought protocol was to get buck nekid in the middle of a snow storm if you are indoors! Thank you local news for setting me straight!)
Local news ... I appreciate your cool, calm collective approach to such a scary issue! This is SO much more dangerous than the threatening hurricanes or that tornado we got to experience up close and personal that one time that will remain nameless.
*Disclaimer - I actually have lived in places that got double digit feet in snowfall annually, two of my children are from Siberia, and I have ice in my veins.
Please read this article and then see below for commentary. This is important people!!!!
U.S. salmonella outbreak count hits 666 people sickened
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – An outbreak of salmonella food poisoning traced to peanut products has sickened 666 people and is continuing despite one of the biggest food recalls in U.S. history, health officials said on Tuesday.
But the outbreak of salmonella is still only linked to nine deaths, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a statement.
"To date, 19 clusters of infections in five states have been reported in schools and other institutions, such as long-term care facilities and hospitals. King Nut brand peanut butter was present in all facilities," the CDC said in a statement.
Blah ... Blah ... Blah
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OK there is more to this story ... but you know have been armed with knowledge. Do not be deceived. Please note that 666 people have become sick ... so what does this mean to you and me? Connect the dots people!!!
I don't want to be an alarmist, but do you think it is possible that the antichrist has come to us in the form of an adorable cartoon boy? Since childhood, we have all had peanut butter on our face or stuck in our whiskers at some point ... mark of the beast? Food for thought.
Wish I could take credit for this, but I can't. This was forwarded to me by one of my groupies ... picture courtesy of someone whom I didn't get permission from:
Woman OK after bullet ends up in her hair weave
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) -- Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave. Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her.
She replied, "Well I dont love him," then heard gunshots. She said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled, then turned into another parking lot and called police.
She told officers she recently had ended an eight-month relationship with the suspect.
Police arrested the ex-boyfriend and his friend in a car.
______________________________________
I don't know what I can add to this ... the story speaks so clearly for itself. If there is a lesson kids .... I guess it is "Don't piss off Steve, he will put a bullet in your weave"
Overheard in their bedroom
Mikey (9 Top Bunk): McWilliam (5 Bottom Bunk) would you please open the door a crack?"
McWilliam: (Pause for effect) "You mean like butt crack?"
I love these guys!
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