Hops

It is not easy being a Rockstar. I mean it might look glamourous to you from the outside, but let me assure you, the phrase "the grass is always greener" rings true in my business. Sure it LOOKS like I am having fun, willy-nilly, on top of the world, but have you ever thought of the injustices I have to suffer through? You may be shaking your head, maybe even thinking out loud something like "What injustices?" I am here to tell you it is a miracle I have as many children as I do having to spend so much time in tight leather pants.

You know what else is hard? Finding a ride that matches my personality. I finally found one, but Mrs. Rockstar so rationally explained that it would be hard to find the right kind of carseat for this one. {Sigh} Back to the drawing board, it is not easy being me.

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New Wok on the Block (NWOTB)

Here I am ... ready to deliver content to the masses. Giving you something to "chew" on whenever inspiration strikes.

So the little lady and I were eating some chinese food the other night. In our old hood, we had some smokin' chinese joints. Since moving away from the old stomping grounds two, going on three, years ago we have struggled to find a place that lived up to our chinese food snobery. (We also have sub issues, but that is for a later time)

Tonight ... we found the place. It is close, it is good, and we were thoroughly enjoying our meal .... at least up until the point where I cracked open my fortune cookie ....

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Laying a Stinker

Remember when your favorite band laid an egg? You know what I am talking about, after years of success and glory, they release that what the heck are you thinking album (think U2 Zooropa)?

Well this blogizzle has laid a stinkhizzle as of late. Do to my enormous popularity, I have had little time to muse about much of anything on this 'ole blogity blog. No more. Today it all changes.

If all two of my readers want me to get more personal, peel back the layers of my onion (as Shrek would say), then that is what you are going to get.... one big stinky onion.

Stay tuned for more immature programming

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Flaming Cannonball

I found this news article on CNN and it got me thinking deeply about how I wish my body to exit this world. Please read the article for insight and I will give my "Rockstar Corner" thoughts afterwards:




CINCINNATI, Ohio (AP) -- The man who designed the Pringles potato chip packaging system was so proud of his accomplishment that a portion of his ashes has been buried in one of the iconic cans.

Fredric J. Baur, of Cincinnati, died May 4 at Vitas Hospice in Cincinnati, his family said. He was 89.

Baur's children said they honored his request to bury him in one of the cans by placing part of his cremated remains in a Pringles container in his grave in suburban Springfield Township.

The rest of his remains were placed in an urn buried along with the can, with some placed in another urn and given to a grandson, said Baur's daughter, Linda Baur of Diamondhead, Mississippi.

Baur requested the burial arrangement because he was proud of his design of the Pringles container, a son, Lawrence Baur of Stevensville, Michigan, said Monday.
Baur was an organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble Co.
Baur filed for a patent for the tubular Pringles container and for the method of packaging the curved, stacked chips in the container in 1966, and it was granted in 1970, P&G archivist Ed Rider said.

Baur retired from P&G in the early 1980s.


Rockstar's Corner:

In thinking long and hard about this gentleman's disposal in a greasy potato chip can, it made me realize that because I am not an inventor, and have actually never created anything of use that this world will value beyond my passing, that all I have really is theatrics to fall back on ... so please note that this post supersedes any ideas I have on my disposal in the past. Recently, I have had a hankerin' to jump out of a plane at high altitudes, free fall a couple thousand feet and pray that unlike the cartoons, my parachute actually contains a parachute and not pots and pans.

However, because I have 8 soon to be 9 maybe 10 children, the Mrs. has pointed out to me that this would be a stupid way to treat my life. I have decided that indeed, this would be better done upon my demise. So here is what I propose....

Upon my death hopefully many, many, many moons from now, I would like to have my body tucked into the fetal position and soaked in gasoline. I would then like to have a plane carry me up over my beloved ocean and drop me out with a time released fuse. This would allow me to achieve a rapidly accelerating human flaming cannonball, one that would astound beachgoers and UFO theorists alike.

Someone .... please .... help .... me ...

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Stress Relief

Dancing is always the best way to relieve unwanted stress. Check this guy out. Can't you just see the stress leaving him with every fantastic move? This is all the new craze. I am learning this dance now.

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Thank Goodness

I have not posted for a long time. I am sure I owe an explanation, but right now all I am thinking about is how America finally nailed it. I not only am admitting to watching parts of the finale, I am also admitting to throwing my hands in the air and letting out a woo-hoo. Rock On.

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My Time Has Come

Well after reading THIS post, and then reading THIS post, I was starting to think that the whole world had gone absolutely mad ... I mean Milli Vanilli? NKOTB? Are you joking me? This is what we have to get excited about as a society? And then it happened. Today is a glorious day for rockstars everywhere. The one I have been waiting for has occured ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened, because according to THIS SPECTACTULAR ARTICLE, STP is back baby .....

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The Clink

OK. As you all know, I seldom post, and most of it is nonsense anyways, but I have really been thinking about something over the past couple days and felt I should share.

So on Good Friday, I found myself in the clink. Actually, it was two, and suprisingly my wife ended up at the big house twice as well. Why? Because we needed our fingers printed. See, we just adopted an almost terrible two year old, and if that wasn't crazy enough, we spent Friday riding from jailhouse to jailhouse looking for someone to take my stupid fingerprints.

The ironic part was, I had my Jersey prints with me, we have been fingered three times in the state of Florida, twice federally and once locally. You might even say I am one of those sick puppies who just loves to have his fingers inked, so that when I walk into Walmart at 3 AM with my finger ink dried and stained, people wonder about me. Not necessarily afraid of me, but definitely hug your children tight kind of nervousness ... but I digress ....

Unfortunately, for us, the state we were adopting from would not accept prints from Jersey, or Florida, or anywhere else ... so there we were, driving around looking for any cop who would be willing to ink us. The second clink we drove up to happened to be the winner. The nice officer took us to the main control room for this jail/police station. I had my newly adopted son with me and I am pretty sure I made a couple stupid jokes about the drunk tanks we passed with the blue phones and metal benches.

Then it happened. I looked up at a board that was filled with names, ages, sex, etc. There were 11 prisoners in this jail this past Friday. Of those 11, 9 were black males, one was a black female, and one was a white male. There was only one name that had a bond amount next to it. Only one person in that block who had an opportunity to leave that day. Who was it? Yep, the white guy.

All the sudden I was overcome with emotion. Of course this adoption was a "good thing." I knew we were making the "right decision." Here I was, in the same city that my little 2 Yr B/M was born in, and in that moment I felt ... like a thief. Yep, a thief who was looking up at a board and understanding that I just stole my baby's future from him.

What future did we steal? This son of mine will NOT be looked at as another big city statistic. He will no longer sleep on the floor. He will get 3 square meals. He will experience love in his life. He will experience joy. He will grow up in a stable environment. There will be no "social status" that will keep him down. If he wants to go to college, I will send him. He will not know what a gang is except for what he reads in books and sees on TV. He will have opportunity after opportunity that other children left behind in his situation will never have. Most importantly he will he will come to know Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior!

And lastly my prayer is that when Satan gets distracted for even a moment, when through his arrogance he believes he has already won, that my son will know how to slip into the enemy's camp, a thief for his God, and steal the very thing that we stole this week... another soul and another blood line for the Kingdom of God.

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Directionally Challenged

As any rockstar knows, it is hard to be in this business and have any real sense of direction. After all, most of the time, my handlers are just shuffling me from one place to another. Sometimes I do not know which way is up. All that being said, I was still shocked to find that hell seems to be pointing to the "left" (Exhibit A below).



On another related note from the "left"

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Flippin' Al Gore

Al Gore has forced me out of my self imposed hibernation. Someone was commenting on this blog about what a fancy such and such he was ... completely overlooking the fact that this amazing man who created the internet also rang up a $29,000+ electric bill alone in 2006. I am sure he is not alone. All of these celebrity whining greenies living in their castles to themselves have to get a grip. They think it is me killing the ice cubes floating in the artic ... I have a 3,000 square foot house in a place that is deathly hot, and there is no energy other than electricity to choose from and it would take me almost 7 years to equal one year from our friend, tree hugger Gore. Dude's carbon footprint makes him look like sasquach compared to any normal human being.

Now you may ask what the heck does this have to do with my blog, it's contents, and it's readership? Honestly ... nothing ... I just got fired up .... oh yeah, this clip below also has nothing to do with anything, but we present it anyways

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To My Dearest New Friends

Dear Barb and Adam,

It is so very nice to meet your acquaintance. I am always ecstatic when new buddies come on board the Rockstar train. I was particularly impressed by your comments left recently.

It is with sadness however that I politely decline your services. You seem like such nice people that I was visibly shaken when I had to delete your comments. I so badly wanted this to work out between us all. I must confess however that:

1. I do not have bumps on my unit
2. I do not need a brand new large baby maker
3. I do not need to know what "your" experts recommend.
4. I am comfortable doing what I do without "alternative medicines"
5. I am not sure I even know what a thump stick is.
6. I know all about green tea ... thank you!
7. Yes, it is a buyers market, sadly I am house poor
8. Forget rising gas prices ... make your own .. eat Kashi .. or a Fiber One bar
9. I am so happy that my dream kitchen is obtainable
10. Pyramid schemes work best in Egypt
11. Bill O'Reilly - Stop spamming me, please!
12. Lastly, be warned, I know how to get "Fast Track Lawsuit Funding"

To my public and my fans, I ask that you please submit your favorite spam taglines in the comments section of this post.

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Meaningless Drivel

Alright, I know you have to go back 3 months to find any kind of meaningful post on this blog and for that I sincerely apologize. I really need to snap out of it. However, this will not be that post. As a completely narcissistic rockstar totally in love with my fab hair and stunning good looks, it is almost impossible for me to post serious thoughts on a consistent, or for that matter inconsistent basis.

So, I have never really viewed Florida as the true south, most of the time wanting to believe that I am really only living in New Jersey/New York/Massachusetts south, that is until these rednecks showed up at my back door ....

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Dark Chocolate - Public Service Announcement

It has now been scientifically proven that dark chocolate is generally good for your health. It has heart benefits and I have actually heard that eating some when you feel a cold coming on can be helpful as well. Health benefits, comfort food, fantastic flavor, I could go on and on ...

The reason I am talking about this? I have had too many people either tell me, or confess on their blogs that they have yet to try Dark Chocolate M&Ms.

People ... life is a vapor. None of us are sure how many tomorrows we have. This much I know ... most of you have at least the next half hour or so if you are not currently having chest pains. What should you do with this precious half hour of life in my opinion? Hop in your car/truck/suv, go to the corner grocer and BUY SOME DARK CHOCOLATE M&M's for Pete's sake!!!!!!! You are wasting your life without this wholesome, good for you goodness in your life.

Some of you slower groupies do not even know what you are supposed to be looking for ... so I am putting a picture up.




So please, I implore you, print this out and run to the store ... now ... before you end up like this guy

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Sweet

I can't stop watching this ... make sure you turn my rockin tunes off at the bottom first!

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